The Script of Bisexuality

Disclaimer: Sensitive Content, views expressed are solely that of the author and are not necessarily representative of the views held by KOS Magazine and its staff.

In a time where it’s statistically never been better to ‘come out’, with 61.6% of Australians in favour of same-sex attracted marriage, announcing your identity to family and friends remains tricky. For one, there’s planning the ‘coming out script’, facing the labels and stereotypes that have shaped their understanding of your newly claimed identity, and navigating the world as a newly ‘out’ queer person. 

Many of us have heard about the LGBTQIA+ community and are familiar with gay and lesbian identifying individuals, but it seems that the ‘B’ in LGBT is often lost in translation. Seen and not heard. But where are we seen, exactly? 

Growing up with a gay cis-male uncle, I knew about gay culture classics like Priscilla Queen of the Desert, Will & Grace, and Ultra Naté’s Free. Lesbians I only knew as appearing butch and enjoyed kissing other women. These were the (ultimately limited) queer scripts that I learnt about through media and music. But bisexuals? What’s their script? They like men and women, right? Ok, so what do they look like? How do they dress? What stereotypes do they have? 

“How do you be bisexual?”

I myself only came out recently, and after years of gradual contemplation. At 13 I considered the thought of kissing a girl in passing the school corridors. It was a definite no and it stayed that way. For a long time I considered making comments on girls’ appearance and features as ‘appreciating their beauty’. After all, how many times have we seen in rom-coms and Nicholas Sparks’ films where a girl says “wow she’s pretty”, and there was never anything more to it? Last year, with being essentially home-bound, I found myself scrolling through TikToks on absent afternoons and following hashtags on Instagram, in the name of being a passionate ally and #pride. 

In a silly way, a part of me yearned to belong to something as big and beautiful as the queer community. At some point I thought I was faking it because I yearned for an escape from lockdown, and especially hetero-centric romance movies. Although I liked to wear tight jeans, I wasn’t a gay man. I was a young woman and I certainly did not want the boyish haircut that lesbians stereotypically had. I felt like an imposter, like I wasn’t ‘not-straight-enough’ to be considered as part of the community. If I’m bisexual, shouldn’t I want men and women in the exact same way? Isn’t that part of the bisexual script?

Now facing the fogginess of exploring my new-found identity, I turned to media to find clues as to what being bisexual meant. Pinterest aesthetics and old tumblr graphics taught me about the bi-girl haircut, cuffed jeans and tucked in shirts, finger guns, peace signs, and having a particular fangirl obsession with Lady Gaga and Panic! At The Disco (which, how can you not?). Others were more trivial or just plain stupid like being bad at math (I averaged 90% in my tests) or having poor driving skills (yet to be determined). Some I identified with, which helped, but I also recognised that these were stereotypes and not necessarily reality for all bisexual people. 

I started looking for representations of LGBTQ+ individuals in film. Many LGBTQ+ films I have seen have been mostly about gay cis-males, with lesbians as an afterthought. Even in Riverdale, of which most 14-16 year olds are watching, Kevin Keller was immediately known to be gay, and it was a twist in the tale that Cheryl was a lesbian. 

Love, Simon gave more of an insight into the challenges of the coming out journey, but deep down he knew already, and I didn’t come out till after highschool. I connected with Love, Victor more as he went through the stages of exploring who he was attracted to and in what way. But when it was revealed that he was gay, not bisexual, my heart sank. 

“Where is there representation of people like me?”

Photo by Sara Kurfeß on Unsplash

After a desperate Google search I found a list of movies with bisexual characters and watched them one by one. Most were heavy with violence, which as much as I enjoy action-packed adventures, I wanted to see something as wholesome as Holding The Man. Call Me By Your Name is, in my opinion, probably the closest you’ll get. The film depicted the classic boy-meets-girl scenario as young Elio had his heady rendezvous with Marzia, but also depicted the intricacies of falling in love with a queer man and how deeply passionate it can be.

 

I’ve also found representation and education through the creators on TikTok. From Marthe Woertman’s absolutely fire masc-femme outfits, teaching us that clothes truly have no gender, to the warmth of our Fairy Bi-Mother, Capri Campeau, and her educational content on what it means to be bi. TikTok creators debunking many myths about bisexual people (especially women) is where I’ve been able to feel seen and heard. It’s something I’ve been looking for for a long time, and only now am I seeing creators around my age start to use their platforms and be a voice for bisexuality.

Some of my other favourite avenues for bisexual representation in media are through Melbourne Bisexual Network, JOY 94.9 and articles through Archer Magazine. Their work gives voice to bisexual individuals and ensures that they feel like they’re part of the LGBTQIA+ community, as they rightfully are. Being able to see, read, and hear people talk about bisexuality and give the representation we helps those who are questioning, or who already identify, to share and be shared with.

“Bisexuality is the ability to be attracted to more than one gender”

— - Capri Campeau

Through my continual research and bi-hunting, I am finding more people who are bisexual, like myself, and on the multisexual spectrum. We aren’t given much of a spotlight in the mainstream media and films, but we sure are starting to make ourselves known. I’m also finding more and more that there is in fact, no script that exists for bisexuality. You don’t have to be a finger gun legend or be bad at maths if you’re bi. You don’t have to want men and women in the exact same way, you can have preferences. And bisexuality isn’t just about liking men and women. As our Fairy Bi Mother says, it’s the ability to be attracted to more than one gender. (Yes, we see you non-binary, trans and agender babes).

Bisexuality is a significant part of your identity, but there’s also so much more to you than who and how you’re attracted. 

Amelia Asciutto is the Creative Director and Head of Marketing at KOS Magazine. You can find her on Instagram.

WORDS: AMELIA ASCIUTTO
PHOTOGRAPHY: CAMILA QUINTERO AND SARA KURFEB VIA UNSPLASH